Ideas we are introduced to as children stay with us for life. One's personality is, after all, the result of upbringing, culture and, in the modern world, what the media projects on a daily basis. This is particularly true in the case of notions of gender identity, and the roles and characteristics that society assigns to each – male and female. The third gender is not even considered by society, so let us leave that one for another day.
Consciously or otherwise, society came up with certain ways to, and I do not use this term lightly, brainwash us, about what is appropriate behaviour for different genders. Education, modernity and the feminist movement have challenged the most outrageous of these norms, but many continue to exist. Of course, they vary from culture to culture, but some common factors are present everywhere. Let us look at three of them in this post – two are important influences from our childhood, and one that continues to assault us even after we become adults: toys, fairy tales and television programmes/films.
Toys obviously form an important part of play during childhood. In the beginning, we all get the same things – things that make noise, are bright and move. However, once children become mobile, start talking and become capable of absorbing basic concepts like who those tall people who boss us around are, or why drinking out of the fish tank is not an option, the toys they play with change as well. Out go the rattles and in come the toy soldiers and blonde, blue eyed dolls with vacant expressions. Toy guns and miniature kitchen sets. Doctor kits and mock make-over sets, complete with fake lipsticks, blush and mascara. I read about this bizarre ‘Make your own atomic bomb’ kit that came out during the cold war, which actually included four samples of uranium ore (Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Laboratory).
The point of this little toy history is, through them are introduced subtle but clear ideas of what is considered appropriate behaviour and careers for different sexes. Boys need to be tough like soldiers, they should not cry, they should be brave. Girls, lets cook! Let us put on make-up, hang around in the kitchen, drink tea and have unrealistic ideas about what women should look like (If Barbie was human: 37-28-40, 7.8 ft. Really?! What a brilliant role model for inspiring a healthy body image). We outgrow toys at some stage, but the question is, do we outgrow what they try to teach us? Of course, parents may not actually want us to learn these precise ideas from our toys, but some forethought while shopping and gifting would be nice.
The next important factor would be the stories we hear and read as children. “Please tell me a story!” is a line most of us would have said at some point in our childhood. Growing up in Bombay, in a family that considered reading as the best hobby a child could have, I got access to both western fairy tales and Indian mythological stories. Western fairy tales included Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, Ugly Duckling and the like, while Indian ones, thanks to Uncle Pai and his Amar Chitra Katha, included stories of Indian kings and mythological heroes. In retrospect, both were sexist as hell.
Among the European fairy tales, almost all had a similar theme running through them – beauty is everything, step mothers are beyond evil, weak women are cool and need to be rescued by Prince Charming. The duckling is shunned till it turns into a swan; the Princess lets the Prince climb up her hair (!), kisses random Princes and frogs, sleeps in strangers houses and lets Prince Charming slay her demons for her. And now, the
Princess has made a comeback in the form of Bella Swan and Twilight (refer to previous post). Grow a backbone, please! These stories give new heights to the more ridiculous ideas of being feminine i.e. be weak and wait to be rescued; simultaneously, they instill completely unrealistic notions about how men should behave. Unconsciously, many women do look out for their Knight in Shining Armour, who, when he comes along, may turn out to be a loser in aluminium foil...(Thank you Facebook, this one is priceless).
As for the Indian stories, don’t even get me started on them – why are almost all the mythological heroes men, and why do women feature as prominent characters only when they are playing mothers or wives to these said heroes? Sorry, I refuse to be the woman behind a successful man. I want to be successful, screw him. And though this is not related to what is being discussed, I would just like to point out that Indian Sultans and Badshahs were not lecherous and evil beings waiting to kill Rajputs and take their women. Bloody Hindu propaganda.
And finally, thank you Ekta Kapoor and co, for depicting women (and only Hindu ones as that, god knows how she would have depicted the Muslim community) as the ever suffering, silent victims of archaic patriarchal traditions. No, no, please do not rebel, do not have a career, worship your mangalsutra and sindoor, have ridiculous names and tolerate your cheating husbands. Yes, that is what all Indian women should aspire to be. A Mrs. Somebody who does not have self respect or an independent mind.
What we need is stories that teach children about independence and self-confidence, emphasise on the importance of inner beauty and loving oneself, and tell them that they can be anything they want to be. Prince Charming can go back to the happy land of singing serfs, benevolent Fairy Godmothers and evil step sisters - we new age women can take care of ourselves.
Consciously or otherwise, society came up with certain ways to, and I do not use this term lightly, brainwash us, about what is appropriate behaviour for different genders. Education, modernity and the feminist movement have challenged the most outrageous of these norms, but many continue to exist. Of course, they vary from culture to culture, but some common factors are present everywhere. Let us look at three of them in this post – two are important influences from our childhood, and one that continues to assault us even after we become adults: toys, fairy tales and television programmes/films.
Toys obviously form an important part of play during childhood. In the beginning, we all get the same things – things that make noise, are bright and move. However, once children become mobile, start talking and become capable of absorbing basic concepts like who those tall people who boss us around are, or why drinking out of the fish tank is not an option, the toys they play with change as well. Out go the rattles and in come the toy soldiers and blonde, blue eyed dolls with vacant expressions. Toy guns and miniature kitchen sets. Doctor kits and mock make-over sets, complete with fake lipsticks, blush and mascara. I read about this bizarre ‘Make your own atomic bomb’ kit that came out during the cold war, which actually included four samples of uranium ore (Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Laboratory).
The point of this little toy history is, through them are introduced subtle but clear ideas of what is considered appropriate behaviour and careers for different sexes. Boys need to be tough like soldiers, they should not cry, they should be brave. Girls, lets cook! Let us put on make-up, hang around in the kitchen, drink tea and have unrealistic ideas about what women should look like (If Barbie was human: 37-28-40, 7.8 ft. Really?! What a brilliant role model for inspiring a healthy body image). We outgrow toys at some stage, but the question is, do we outgrow what they try to teach us? Of course, parents may not actually want us to learn these precise ideas from our toys, but some forethought while shopping and gifting would be nice.
The next important factor would be the stories we hear and read as children. “Please tell me a story!” is a line most of us would have said at some point in our childhood. Growing up in Bombay, in a family that considered reading as the best hobby a child could have, I got access to both western fairy tales and Indian mythological stories. Western fairy tales included Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, Ugly Duckling and the like, while Indian ones, thanks to Uncle Pai and his Amar Chitra Katha, included stories of Indian kings and mythological heroes. In retrospect, both were sexist as hell.
Among the European fairy tales, almost all had a similar theme running through them – beauty is everything, step mothers are beyond evil, weak women are cool and need to be rescued by Prince Charming. The duckling is shunned till it turns into a swan; the Princess lets the Prince climb up her hair (!), kisses random Princes and frogs, sleeps in strangers houses and lets Prince Charming slay her demons for her. And now, the
Princess has made a comeback in the form of Bella Swan and Twilight (refer to previous post). Grow a backbone, please! These stories give new heights to the more ridiculous ideas of being feminine i.e. be weak and wait to be rescued; simultaneously, they instill completely unrealistic notions about how men should behave. Unconsciously, many women do look out for their Knight in Shining Armour, who, when he comes along, may turn out to be a loser in aluminium foil...(Thank you Facebook, this one is priceless).
As for the Indian stories, don’t even get me started on them – why are almost all the mythological heroes men, and why do women feature as prominent characters only when they are playing mothers or wives to these said heroes? Sorry, I refuse to be the woman behind a successful man. I want to be successful, screw him. And though this is not related to what is being discussed, I would just like to point out that Indian Sultans and Badshahs were not lecherous and evil beings waiting to kill Rajputs and take their women. Bloody Hindu propaganda.
And finally, thank you Ekta Kapoor and co, for depicting women (and only Hindu ones as that, god knows how she would have depicted the Muslim community) as the ever suffering, silent victims of archaic patriarchal traditions. No, no, please do not rebel, do not have a career, worship your mangalsutra and sindoor, have ridiculous names and tolerate your cheating husbands. Yes, that is what all Indian women should aspire to be. A Mrs. Somebody who does not have self respect or an independent mind.
What we need is stories that teach children about independence and self-confidence, emphasise on the importance of inner beauty and loving oneself, and tell them that they can be anything they want to be. Prince Charming can go back to the happy land of singing serfs, benevolent Fairy Godmothers and evil step sisters - we new age women can take care of ourselves.
